North Korea, Best Korea!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
