Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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