I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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