is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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