ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize