When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
