Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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