it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
