anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
