the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Bring me that man meat
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
