so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
