Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
