i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
