party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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