I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
