He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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