I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
