i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
