Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
