I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize