I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
