I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
