$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
