I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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