you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
