she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
