Betty ford says i'm here all night
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
