no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
