Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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