He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize