I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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