that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
