hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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