it was like his penis was on wheels.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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