You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
zippers are such a cool invention
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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