apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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