maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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