I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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