omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
