Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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