Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
