so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
