Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just want to make out with him forever
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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