I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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