The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
