You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
