Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
