Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
