The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
