Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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