I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize