Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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