Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
