she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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