drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
