Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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