I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
