He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize