I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
