i just google imaged poop.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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