He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
