First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
