and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
