i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
