So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize