but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
