I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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