Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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