He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize