this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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